I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
