i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
