Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
