This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
not ubering you a puppy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
