i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
