Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
