god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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