Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
