Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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