my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
