I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
