i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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