I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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