she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
