It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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