Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
