pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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