What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
