well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
