I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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