first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
