dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
