Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
