help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
