I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
