I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
