My hand turned me down
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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