sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
