K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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