where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
