she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
