I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
