Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
