Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
