the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
