Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
