She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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