You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
