Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
