guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
