I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
