he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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