But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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