I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drake has all the answers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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