I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
