I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
