I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
