Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
