Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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