I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
