Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
