True but thats because hes a fetus.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
